The Breakdown

I had finally hit it, the dreaded breakdown where I just threw a temper tantrum and just accepted the fact that I was just going to fat the rest of my life.  The beginning of September I was struggling mentally, emotionally, and physically.  I was eating whatever was insight and if it wasn't insight I went to the store and got "it" whatever "it" was at the time.  I kept saying to myself I am just going to eat this and then I do better tomorrow.  Well, the Tomorrow I kept saying never came.  My weight has been bouncing up and and some downs, but being honest mostly up since I moved to Portland.  I thought I could do it alone, I thought since I had been so successful that clearly I knew how to do this and what to do.  Obviously not!  I bounced with 15 lbs back and forth, then the last few weeks I notice there is was no more bounce just a steady gain; 1 lb here, 2 lbs there.  I thought it is ok, a few stressful things started happening and I just blamed it on that.  Around the second week of September I started looking back into weight watchers.  That is what worked for me and clearly I needed to pay money to sit with strangers and just listen for me to lose weight.  I am still not really sure why that is but most of the women and the few men in there are roughly 6-20 years my senior.  Sometimes I feel like I am the only late 20's, early 30 's struggling with my weight and willing to go to weight watchers.  Which is fine, I can do this, I did it in Alaska so why am I struggling here in Portland? 

After weight in on 10/1/11

    
On September 10, 2011 I RE-JOINED weight watchers.  I am sucking up my cheap side and spending the damn money to sit with strangers and listen to their stories.  When I weighed in on that first day I was sadden to see how high my number had gotten again. I was tipping the scales once again at 235.4.....:(  then the next week 9/17/11 I had lost .4, 9/24/11 I had gained 2 lbs ( I blamed my finals week on this gain.  I was stressing losing my A in one of my classes) and to get us up to date I weighed in last Saturday 10/1/11 and I had lost 2.2 lbs.  Weight Watchers has changed a few things and now I think it is for the better.  First when you go in no more pulling your card and them writing down your weight.  Now you have a bar code and they scan you into the meeting then you go over to the scales and they scan you again, you get on the scale and the computer does the rest.  The best part is it automatically sends it to your tracker if you use the etools.  Plus the app they have is badass.  You can set alerts to send you messages about the time you eat to remind you to track and then it takes you right to the tracker.  I have tracked way more now that it is on my phone.  With my schedule all hectic I forget to write down what I eat so this is so much better.  I am loving it! 
My weigh in days are Saturdays because there is a location about .5 of a mile from my job and I usually work Friday nights so when I get off in the morning I can just walk over there.  My meetings are at 730 AM and I get off at 6:15 so it works out pretty well.  I am going to attempt to update this blog after weigh ins on Saturdays from here on out!  It is time for a change in my life, time for me to finally reach my goals, I am done with putting my weight loss in the back seat and thinking everything else is more important.  So here I go again, starting on this journey once again, only this time I will achieve my goals.