Tipping Scales Tuesday....wk 11

So I have been doing Weight Watchers for 11 weeks now and today was a disappointing weigh in.  Sad to report, I gained this week and not just a little but 1.2 lbs.  After I stepped on that scale and I saw the increase I was completely and totally bummed out.  I was trying to think back to what I have done this week that would result in a big gain like that.  The only thing that I came up with is that I tracked most of the week, but I still missed a few days.  The important thing here is not to let it upset you too bad, because today starts a new week so you can just do better this week.  Well that is way easier said then done.  I am upset, I am bummed out, I am disappointed and I am pissed off.  So I have to turn to this blog.  This blog is keeping me going and I am going back rereading what I have written in the past few weeks and know I can do this.  I can get back on track, I can lose this weight.  I am mentally filling my head with I CAN. 
This morning when I took the bus to work I decided to get off at a further away bus stop so I could get a walk in before work.  So we pass my job and I am just looking around and then at this one light I thought the bus was going to turn left to head back towards my job, but nope they turned right,  I thought to my self oh shit I better get off and start walking because I am going to be late.  So I got off the bus and started heading back the way we came.  I had my IPod in and I was just jamming to my tunes enjoying my walk, keep in mind this morning was only 25 degrees.  I finally arrive at my job and I look at my watch and it was 7:56AM.  (I had to be at work by 8AM this morning.)  I thought good Lord how far did I walk that I am just getting here.  So I worked my day and then I came home and got ready to go to WW and pick up the car.  Well, after WW I decided to clock the mileage from this morning, just for my own obsessing issues.  It turns out that I walked at least 1.5 miles this morning.  I was extremely happy about that and then it just pissed me off more that I gained weight, so my bubble was popped. 
I am doing a lot better now.  I am going to try a lot harder this week and make sure I get obsessed with my tracking.

First Day....

Today was my first day of my new job and let me just tell you I am super excited!  I think this is going to be a great job.  This morning I walked to the bus stop, which is only .2 of a mile away, and caught the bus to work.  I thought about getting off further away from where the closest bus stop was just so I could get more of a walk in this morning, but the bus route has changed a little and I wasn't sure where they were going to go.  I got off the bus and walked up to the building and I was 40 mins early.  It was way to cold to hang out outside so I went in and walked around store for 35 mins .  That actually adds up if you think about it.  Well we got to order work shirts and they had us fill out forms with sizes and how many and they would take the money from your paycheck.  So I was confused what size to put on that form.  I decided to write down 2X and see what happens.  The HR lady went to go get the shirts and she said they don't have a 2X but for me to try the 1X on and see how that fits and if it doesn't then they will order me some shirts.  During our first break I went to the bathroom to try on this shirt that I was extremely skeptical about trying on.  Your never going to believe this, that damn shirt fit me.  It is a little snug around my tummy aka spare tire and I thought to myself I should takes these that way it will force me to stay on track.  So I got 2 of them and I was sooooooo flippin' happy after trying on that Women's 1X shirt.  I can't even remember the last time I was in a Women's 1X.  Again my point about the small things sure adds up. 
Tomorrow night after work is my Weight Watcher Meeting: Tipping Scales Tuesdays!!  I am looking forward to go.  I think I did pretty good this week.  Let's keep out fingers crossed!!

Buying a shirt...

So tomorrow I start my new job and I am super excited because it is in a bakery!!  Well, I have to wear a white button down long sleeve shirt.  I currently do not own one of those so I had to go buy one today.  We were out and about in Anchorage today getting some stuff we needed and I went into Sears to see if they had a shirt for a decent price.  Generally, I look at men's shirts just because I usually have trouble finding one for me in women's.  But today I thought you know my clothes have been fitting a lot looser so let me just check for shits and giggles.  So I went to the women's department and started looking for some shirts and I found 3 that would work.  Now since I am not sure what size shirt to get now, I grabbed 3 different shirts and 3 different sizes.  Shirt 1 was size 24, shirt 2 was size 22 and shirt 3 was size 20.  Yes, still big sizes, but hey at least it is coming off and baby steps is the way to go.  I sure as hell didn't put this weight on over night (even though it feels that way sometimes) so it is not going to come off over night.  Anyway, I took the shirts to the dressing room and tried them on.  First was the 24, no, not even close, this shirt looked really bad on me.  It could have been the cut or style in all fairness.  Then I tried on the 22, looked a little better but I just wasn't comfortable in it.  Then it came to the size 20 and I was worried but I did like this style the best and it was the only one left of its kind on the rack, not to mention it was on sale.  So I took a deep breath, hope for the best and put it on.  OMG!!!!!!  To my extremely surprised surprise it fit.  Not only did it fit but it fit very nice and there was still room.  It was not skin tight and I could button all of the buttons with ease.  Needless to say I was extremely happy so I got dressed and purchased this awesome shirt for my (hope to be) awesome job tomorrow!! These are the "little" things that keep me going...

Family Time

Yesterday Sara, Michael, Joey, the dogs and I got to spend the entire day together.  First we just chilled out around the house, I made Baked Ziti goes Southwest for lunch, and then we went for a hike after eating all that pasta!  My sis found out about this trail that led to a lake where you can ice fish.

 We walked down checked out the lake

 and then we decided to head down another trail that led to the Cook Inlet!  It was so beautiful out there yesterday.  I am not really sure how far we walked yesterday but when we got to the Cook Inlet, it was AMAZING!!

Then we started to head back to the car so we could go home and somehow we missed the trail they led to the car.  We ended up a little ways too far.  So we had go down this hill

to get to the street so we could walk back the other way to the car!  It was such a fun afternoon.  I got some really great photos out there. 

Trying.....

Yesterday I thought it would be awesome to go to the library and check out some "workout" dvd's.  I found a CRUNCH dvd and I decided to try it today.  OMG!!!!  That thing kicked my ASS!!!!  I didn't make it through the entire thing and what part I did do was painful.  I am going to have to find a beginner workout dvd.   I thought it would be about crunches but it had a lot of other workouts.  After my defeat by this damn video I decided to trouble shoot the WII!!  (We were having trouble getting it to turn on.)  My sis has the Just Dance Game and I really wanted to try it.  So I got online found some tips and ideas tried them and TA...DA!!!!!!  I fixed it!!!!!!   So, I played Just Dance and frickin loved it!!!!  That game is awesome and  you really can get a workout playing.  After I played for awhile I decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood. 

It is soooooooo BEAUTIFUL outside today it is a crime to stay in.  I started walking and I only know the road names for the 1.5 mile walk, so I went on the walk and took the dogs.  Then I wrapped around and got back to the house and I was feeling great so we went again and looped around a second time.  What is so crazy is that after walking

 3 miles, I feel like it was nothing.  I never thought that I would actually build up to that where a multiple mile walk would be a breeze.  It is an AWESOME feeling!!!!!!

It's the small things......

Being a bigger girl and having so much weight I want/need to lose, it is harder to "tell" when you have lost a "chunk" of weight.  Take me for example: I have lost 27 lbs. and some people can tell, but you still see a bigger girl in front of you.  Now if someone who only needed to lose, we'll say 50 lbs and they have lost 27 lbs it would be a huge noticeable difference.  Some people may even say she is a whole new person.  Situations like that are frustrating and irritating.  So what I am trying to do is notice the smaller things.  By the smaller things I am referring to things that maybe only you (the one who losing the weight) may notice.  I have the perfect example.  TOWELS!!!!  You have "regular" bath towels, beach towels, huge towels and hotel towels (we all know the size of a hotel towel is completely unrealistic).  Now most people have "regular towels they use after a shower.  I use to have the most kick ass towel that was a "huge" towel and it wrapped all around me and it was awesome.  Sadly I forgot it NC, well more like I couldn't fit it in my suitcase, but either way.  So, I am using one of my sisters towels.  She has the typical "regular" towel.  When I first got here I would wrap in it and it would not even close together, not even a little bit.  Well, today when I showered and I got out and wrapped the towel around me I noticed something different.  I noticed that when I went to close the towel it cover across both breast and part of my tummy.  of course the part that wraps my hips will be awhile yet, I got some hips on me lol.  When I felt that and saw that, it made me

smile a little brighter because there is the proof.  It is like when your clothes start to fit a little looser, which mine are, you get excited.  The proof does not always have to been on the scale and sometimes the "other" proof is way cooler. 

Tipping the scale Tuesdays!!!!!!!!

Today was weigh in day at weight watchers for me and I was nervous when I got there to weigh in.  I realized I did not track on paper any of the food I ate this week.  I am not really sure why that is though.  It was really strange it was like I went through the entire week and it didn't even dawn on me that I had not been tracking.  This week I maintained.  I am happy because I did not gain, but also let down because I truly feel it was because I did not track.  I could have use more of a workout this week too, but still I was upset.  So my mini goal for this week is to make sure I track what I am eating.  i guess I was getting too comfortable, which is ironic because the week 10 book I got today was talking about plateaus and one of the main reasons people plateau or at least assist in your plateau is becoming too comfortable.  So I need to adjust and reset myself and get back on the right track.  I know I can do this!!  I have my mind set on goal and I want to reach it. 
 

The Challenge........

Today I did it!!!!  I effin did it!!!!  I hiked the mountain that "broke" me.  You want to know something?....it was a frickin piece of cake!!!!!!  This hike took us hardly any time at all.  I do have a confession to make.  O.K. last I did this hike, which was the first mountain I have ever hiked and I was completely dressed WRONG for it, I had a mental break down and told myself I couldn't do it.  So we had turned around.  The ladies that were with us told us that we were not far from the top and that it would be quicker to go up instead of back down.  Well, I was not listening to anyone at that point and we went down. 

You know something when we hiked there today it was maybe 2 mins from the top where I had turned around.  2 Frickin minutes!!!!   We go up there I was really happy I made it, but I was also so annoyed at myself for being right there and not finishing it.

 For this to be the mountain that took claim over my mind that day was.........embarrassing to say the least.

 I am still super proud of myself for doing it and no one can ever take that way from me, but at the same time I feel......mmmmmm.......disappointed (for lack of a better word).   Now, I know, to be strong and no matter how big or small the challenge; if it test me or pushes me to my limits it is all worth it in the end!!!  I am bettering myself, even if it is through baby steps!!!!  I will keep hiking, I will keep pushing myself, and I WILL DO IT....NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!

Liquor......

LOL come to find out Liquor is sooo unhealthy.  Your probably thinking, duh April what did you expect??  I know it is but sometimes you just need to drink and make yourself feel good,  Here it is, Saturday night and I am drinking alone.  Which is bad in so many ways.  One way is when I drink I get "snacky" and lose all control of what I should or should not be eating.  Well, I completely blew my healthy eating habits today.  First we went to a farm festival, which was awesome and Joey was so cute,  They did not have anything healthy to eat; which is hilarious seeing how it was a FARM FESTIVAL.

 They had corn dogs, BBQ Sandwiches, Chile and cornbread, Hot dogs, cream puffs, Carmel apples, stuff similar to the fair.  So I went for a BBQ sandwich, which was just ham with BBQ sauce on it (I think I lived in NC too long because I was expecting pulled pork) which was not that good but I was hungry so I ate and I paid for it later with a tummy ache.  Then we came home after and we took care of stuff and we had talked about what is for dinner.  We had a fridge full of left overs from various parties this past week.  So we made it a left over night.  LOL leftover night consist of hot dogs, homemade (from scratch) perogies, (crap load of cheese) mac n cheese, and

screwdrivers to drink.  I was having a mental breakdown (personal problems) and thought it would be a great idea to just get good and drunk tonight.  Well my sis and brother in law had a long day and were wore out so they went to bed early.  So here I am about 6 screwdrivers down and I am drinking alone.  LOL!!!!!  For the few of you who don't know a screw driver is a 60/40 Vodka to OJ.  LOL  Ok so that is my screwdrivers lol.  Anyway my point is if you are alone and drinking you will more than likely make some poor choices.  My poor choice was some double fudge brownie Ben and Jerry's ice cream lol!!!!  I must also admit that chocolate ice cream and OJ does not taste good together.  Oh well what is done is done and I can't take it back now.  I can only feel bad about it now. Tthe good news is that tomorrow, Sunday, Sara and I are going back to the mountain that "defeated me".  I am going to CONQUER it tomorrow.  So my post tomorrow should be awesome.  We are meeting at 12 Alaska time which is 4 hours behind NC time!!!  LOL!!!  Anyway I am very much looking forward to beating that damn mountain that has such a claim on my mind lol!!!  I will win!!!!  Well I am going to keep drinking and watching this movie!!!  Nighty nite ALL!!!

Not top notch...

I woke up this morning and was feeling a little.........hmmmmm not so ready to go.  I still had some more of the "To Do" list.  So I got up, ate breakfast, and put on my work clothes.  I went outside and started moving the wood pile.  There was a huge pile of wood stacked next to the shed and we decided I needed lay out the wood on the back porch so it could dry out before winter.  So I move all the wood and then cleaned up around the shed.  The previous owners had left 4 huge tire behind the shed, who does that, cheap asses.  I got all of those out and there was a old grill that needed to be tossed.  I took everything up to the front of the house so I can dispose of it tomorrow.  After I got done with all that I came inside and made some lunch for me and my sis.  After that I never did get motivated to work out.  Which now I feel really bad about it.  I don't like feeling discourage, but today I do feel that way.  I know what your thinking, go work out now, but I am babysitting.  Tomorrow is a new day so I will do better tomorrow. 

Active Outside

The past week has been very sunny and beautiful outside!!!!  Since I have been here it has been very rainy and cloudy.  So this week I have been trying to take advantage of being outside and being active.  Well my sis and bro have a "TO DO" list for around the house.  I decided I should do some of that stuff for 2 reasons.  1. To help them out, they work really hard and just don't have enough time.  2. To get me outside and doing something productive while working out.  Yesterday I started to stain the inside of the fence.  So today I stained the outside, leveled out the walkway next to the fence and laid stones against the fence.  Staining is pretty easy and a decent arm workout.  Now leveling the ground, not so easy lol.  First I had the rake and moved the leaves and chopped up the dirt and move it around.  So really that part was a good workout for arms and abs and shoulders.  Then I had to move all these "stones" and they were NOT lite.  I carried most of them before thinking, hey they probably have a will barrel.   I did go get the the will barrel and it sucked!!!  I had to carry them pretty much anyway.  With that I did get a leg workout because I was pretty much doing squats lol.  After everything is said and done I think it looks great!!!! 

Tuesdays are Weight Watcher Days!!!!!

This past Tuesday was my weigh in day at weight watchers.  My meetings are in the town that is 8.16 miles away.  By car your there in like 10 mins or so.  Well, I thought it would be awesome to try to walk there just to see if I could do it.  I left the house at 2:25PM and started on my way.  Luckily there is a trail that runs along side the highway.  So I am walking and I have to pick up that trail a little ways away from the house.  I am walking and enjoying the scenery.

This is a very nice walk so far and I feel like I am doing great!!!  Well, I guess I missed the turn to get on the right path.  I just kept walking, I knew I would get there one way or another.  I did run into a lot of construction going this way, which was ok. 

I finally made it up the huge hill and I look ahead of me and there is the local store, Seeing that store was an OH MY GOD feeling.  LOL!!  I knew I only had less than a mile to get to my destination.  When I finally arrived at the church I was so happy and very sweaty!!!!!   I went upstairs and cleaned myself off and waiting to be weighed!!!!!  The leader was ready and i stepped on the scale and to my pleasant surprise I had lost 6.2 this week.  Bringing my grand total (since leaving NC) to 27 pounds!!!!!  OH MY!!!!  I feel AMAZING!!!!  Like I can do ANYTHING!!!!  It is crazy how much my energy and motivation levels have increased.  I am so ready to take anything at this point.  I am on a High!!!!

The 9 Mile Hike!!!!

One of sister's friends is getting ready to move to that lower 48.  So for one of the day (9/11/2010) trips to spend time with her we were going to go for a hike.  We went to Twin Trails in Eagle River.  Round trip we thought it was going to be 10 miles.  The trail was suppose to be pretty flat and you get to walk through a boulder field and you can see 2 rivers.  Well, the night before I was having a hard time with that fact it was going to be 10 miles.  I tossed and turned that night worrying about it.  So when I got up the next day I went to talk to my sis, which has turned into my best friend, about it.  Luckily for me she got a little bitchy with me.  She yelled at me and told me not to think about the number of miles and that I would never conquer my fear if I didn't try.  She did hurt my feelings a little so I went to my room and also gave myself a pep talk.  April just think of the proof you will have a scale on Tuesday.  Just think of how good you will feel when you complete it!!!   After all that I was ready.  So we went and had lunch.  I got a turkey and basil wrap...mmmmm and healthy.....and an apple juice.  After we ate we headed to the the trail.  We parked our cars and one of the girls had gotten a nail in her tire so she had to bail just in case.  The other girl that was with us followed her down the mountain to make sure she got there and my sis and I decided to go ahead and walk  for awhile.  Since it was just her, Joey and myself we could just decided how far we wanted to go.  Now most trails around here go one of two ways: you walk in and come out somewhere else or as far as you walk in, you have to walk that far back out.  LOL  it is very easy to say yeah lets keep going in and if you don't remember you have to walk out the same way lol.  Well,  we started walking and we were talking and having a good old time.  I lead us in and Sara and Joey followed.  Joey was amazing, we stopped for him to eat and change his butt one time during the trip, which took about 20 mins.  As we started getting closer we started seeing more people and they kept saying oh your not too far from the boulder field, it is so worth it keep going. 

Sara and I were feeling good and like yeah lets do this.  We kept walking and I was taking some pics, which I will post, and just enjoying the beautiful sunny day.  We finally made it to the boulder field and they weren't kidding it was seriously a file full of huge boulders and next to it was Eagle Lake.  It was very pretty out there.  We took a few pics and looked at our watch and was like oh we need to go.  We had plans that evening.  So we started back.  Now going back did go by a lot quicker plus Sara was leading this time lol.  I kept up with her majority of the time.  When it came to the uphill parts I was slower.  Again with my breathing.  I just struggle with keeping my breathing in check.  My legs weren't soar (which I owe a huge thanks to Jill for a very good pointer), feet weren't hurting, or anything, just my breathing was crazy.  I caught my breath and kept walking and Sara and i were talking and having a good time.  Then we finally see it............the gate where we came in at.  OMG I was soooooo happy I started to cry. 

 I couldn't believe how proud of myself I was.  That's was probably the best feeling in the whole entire world.  At that moment I felt like I could do anything!!!!!  We looked at the sign to where we had walk to and it was 4.5 miles to the first lake which was Eagle Lake and 5.5 to the second lake.  We could get to the second lake because the boulders were way unsteady and Sara had Joey in her carrier so that would not have been good.  So round trip was 9 miles and minus the break for Joey it took us 4 hours and 10 mins. which is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was a little soar the next day but that is to be expected.

Why now??

I have always been a BIG girl!!!!  I never really learned how the eat "healthy".  So here I am 28 years and old and trying to learn now.  So you are probably asking yourself Why Now?  Well, I am tired of being FAT!!!!  I am ready to start eating "healthy" and being more active.  It is never to late to do ANYTHING!!!!
Well, this all got started about 2.5 months back when my dad said, "hey bug lets make a bet. Who can lose the most weight by January 1, 2011."  Well, I can always go for a good bet, especially if my chances of winning are GREAT!!!!  So I took him up on it.
I was living in NC and my personal life was heading in a direction that was not the best.  While that was going on my sis calls and says "hey April do you want to come live in Alaska with me, Joey (my brand spanking new nephew) and Micheal (my brother in-law)?  Since everything with my life was up in the air I jumped on the opportunity.

Now before I left my dad and I both had to weigh ourselves and write it on a piece of paper and slide into his safe until January when we would both weigh ourselves again and we would find out the winner.  Which will be me lol!!!  I went upstairs and weighed my self and as I looked down at the number on the scale and it said 289, I screamed!!!!!!  How in the hell??  What????  When????  Do I really weigh that much???  Is this scale broken??  Yes folks the number on the scale was high and VERY embarrassing. I just wanted to cry, but instead of crying I went to my room packed up my 3X shirts and size 22/24 pants and got ready to move to Alaska.  I told myself that while I am in Alaska I am going to eat healthier and start being more active. 

Losing weight is a very emotional and rocky roller coaster.  Every book or article I have read about weight loss says you need to claim your weight!!  Own up to your number, no matter how hard it is you need to so you can move forward.  So this blog is away for me own my number.  Yes, it was very hard for me to even put those numbers on here but that is the reason why I am starting this blog.  I know now that I will never weigh that much again.  I will not allow myself to get that heavy ever again.
I have been in Alaska for 2 months now and I am doing really well with my weight loss.  Second week I was here I joined Weight Watchers.  Yes it is pricey, but it truly does work.  The weight didn't come on over night so it sure as hell isn't going to fall off over night.  Even though that would be awesome:>  So I am getting my eating on track.  The exercise part I was worried about because I am lazy!!!  I know this and have accepted this about myself.  My sis has a 1.5 mile walk and 3 mile walk mapped out around her neighborhood.  We started with the 1.5 and I did ok.  I was out of breath during and after but I did do it.  Now up here in AK there are HUGE mountains and I found out that people hike up them for fun!!!!!  LOL!!!!  I thought hmmmmm to hike up a mountain for fun was crazy!!!  The only way I am hiking up a mountain is if something was chasing me and I could only go up.  lol.
Well, my sis took me to some parks that have some steep hills and that are a couple miles long and I did them.  Of course I struggled and had a hard time getting my breathing on track but I did them and  I was super proud of myself.  Then one day in August (I think) she had a hike with one of her mom groups to a place called Prospect Heights.  She invited me to go and we took the dogs and I was ready to try this, or so I thought.  First of all I wore dark jeans, a long sleeve black shirt, had my backpack strapped to my back and Joey's diaper bag strapped to my front and the two dogs on leashes.  We start going up the mountain and almost instantly my breathing is crazy.  I feel like I don't enough air in my lungs.  Luckily I was with a bunch of moms so they had to stop and feed their babies.  THANK GOODNESS!!!!  I can hopefully catch my breath.  So we chill at this lookout point for a while I was feeling good and ready to take on the rest of the mountain.  So we start to head up again and my calf's start to burn so bad I have to stop and stretch them out.  Then I start up again to try to catch up, but by this point I have convinced myself that I can't do it and I was getting overheated.  My mind started playing tricks on me and then I started to cry.  My sis turned and asked me if I was ok and I couldn't even muster up enough to say no I was just balling by this point.  I was finally able to speak and I told her that I would take the dogs with me and head back to the car and meet her there.  Luckily she didn't let me go by myself because there were bears on that trail, we saw a lot of bear scat.  The other moms said that it would be quicker to just go to the top to come down, which did not make sense to me at the time.  But it all would have been straight up and I just couldn't do it.  So my sis and I walked back the way we came and you know what?  The moms that went to the top and came straight down made it back to there cars and had left by the time we got down there.  We were so close to the top.  I was so disappointed in myself and ashamed that I couldn't do it.  I felt defeated and weak.  I carry this feeling with me everyday.  It is a great reminder of how I don't want to feel.  How I want to get better and now I am one of those crazies who wants to hike to the top of a mountain just because I can.  I am going to go back to that mountain soon and conquer it.  We just need to get a few more people to go with us because there are a lot of bears on that trail.

Opening statement

**************WARNING***********

So let me start out saying that this blog is going to be RAW!!!!!!  If you offended by language or what you may think is rude then you may not want to read this.  I am going to be completely honest with my feeling and what is happening in my life at that time on this journey.  Some of the things I may say in this blog might sound like I am self hating, but in actuality I love myself, which is why I am starting this quest to be more active and healthy.  I want to do undo all the wrong that I have done to my body.  Of course at the time of doing it I felt GREAT!!!!!  That ice cream was awesome or that cheeseburger was to die for etc.  I am trying to find new ways to eat those same wonderful foods without the guilt.  I love food and I love to eat it!!!!  So here my journey begins.........



If nothing else this should be entertaining!!!!!!  LOL